Thank you for this. This is becoming my most valued/read Substack. What I appreciate most is the reminder that I'm human, and when I get dysregulated and do or say something I regret, just as in adult relationships, repair is the step that matters most. As someone who is relatively educated and skilled, the internalization of the pain I might have caused my child in the rare moments of escalation is the hardest part of parenting. I can weather my 3-year-old's storms with love and grace, 95% of the time. It's my own storms that cause me the most pain and have the biggest impact on my child if I don't turn around and use the art of repair on myself, sooner rather than later.
So good, Joseph. It’s easy to forget that repair is one of our most powerful human capacities. Shame can leave us stuck in what we did; repair gives us a way back toward our child and toward ourselves. Thank you for naming both sides of that so honestly.
Thank you for this. This is becoming my most valued/read Substack. What I appreciate most is the reminder that I'm human, and when I get dysregulated and do or say something I regret, just as in adult relationships, repair is the step that matters most. As someone who is relatively educated and skilled, the internalization of the pain I might have caused my child in the rare moments of escalation is the hardest part of parenting. I can weather my 3-year-old's storms with love and grace, 95% of the time. It's my own storms that cause me the most pain and have the biggest impact on my child if I don't turn around and use the art of repair on myself, sooner rather than later.
So good, Joseph. It’s easy to forget that repair is one of our most powerful human capacities. Shame can leave us stuck in what we did; repair gives us a way back toward our child and toward ourselves. Thank you for naming both sides of that so honestly.